The doctor handed me a small bundle,
my newly born daughter. She was only a
few minutes old, but I knew things were never going to be the same, because with
that truly newborn child in my hand, I realized the immense responsibility that
I had been entrusted with. Debbie and I
had been married over four years at this point, and to be honest, living with
someone comes with responsibilities – responsibilities towards each other and
responsibilities that are shared. By
making the decision to bring another life into the world, we now had the
responsibility to raise, nurture, care and love the child we now have. And with being blessed a second time, though
that one point of clarity did not need occur, we still had an equal
responsibility. For Gab and Bec to be
successful in life, it was (and to some extent, still is) our responsibility to
prepare them for their futures.
I find it interesting, as I go
through life, hearing people not always wanting to take responsibility. You can hear it in conversations where
outside forces seem to supersede personal responsibility. Once someone starts down the path of
“pointing fingers” as an explanation, it has the potential for making things
easier by relieving the responsibility for oneself and one’s actions. I once heard speaker George Zalucki explain
that many people have a thick chain attached to their backs. Attached to the chain is a heavy, wooden
trunk that you are dragging along. The
trunk is labeled excuses. This is where
one goes when they make an excuse – “I could have done that, but [fill in excuse]”, “I meant to do this,
but [fill in excuse]”… In what might have been a two for one sale,
there is a second thick chain with another heavy, wooden trunk. This one is labeled blame. Once you make the excuse, it is time to reach
into the second box and start pointing fingers – “It’s [fill in person’s name] fault that [fill in excuse].” This
visualization is for a person that does not take responsibility. As Dr. Wayne Dyer, bestselling author of
“Excuses Begone!” writes, “Blame is a neat little device that you can use
whenever you don't want to take responsibility for something in your life. Use
it and you will avoid all risks and impede your own growth.”
I know these are some hard
hitting words. Nevertheless, becoming
more aware of this over the past few years, through speakers, writers and
listening to people talk, I can see the way this lays out. The box of excuses is not always for after
the fact; it becomes the source prior to an event. Once the setup is there and the “event”
occurs, the excuse can be re-enforced afterwards and then the finger pointing,
or blaming, can begin. “Well, if you
don’t do this, such and such will happen and it will be your fault.” This sentence deflects the speaker from looking
at him or herself, from taking on the responsibility for their part, and already
made it clear that they will not be responsible.
If we are to live our lives to
our fullest potential, we have to be the ones responsible for ourselves, for
our actions and for our results. No
successful person, in sports, business or life, pushed off their responsibilities
and made excuses to get where they are.
I happily took on the responsibility:
- As a parent, to raise Gab and Bec to the best of my ability
- As a husband, to be the best spouse for Debbie I can be
- As a person, to living up to my potential as best I can
- For my success, to achieve on my own and on my terms
- As a volunteer, to give of my time and help others
I like being responsible –
this way, I do not waste time on excuses and for blaming other for my failings…
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